May 8, 2026
- 1 hour ago
- 2 min read
I’m in a season where I’m doing a lot of premarital counseling. It’s been a while, so I’ve spent the last month refreshing myself on the content and preparing for these conversations.
What’s interesting is that it’s happening at the same time our church is in a series on relationships. It’s one of those moments where you can see God connecting dots.
A driving idea for us during this series comes from pastor Timothy Keller:
Christianity itself is an interconnected set of radically altered relationships. A new relationship with God creates a new relationship with yourself and creates a new relationship with others. They can’t be separated. They rise and fall together, and you can’t have one without the others.
Here’s the bottom line:
As God does a work in you, it reshapes how you see yourself - and that changes how you relate to everyone around you.
It took me back to a class I taught years ago using You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan.
I expected practical marriage advice - communication tips, conflict strategies, all the usual things.
But that’s not really what the book was about.
It was about discipleship.
The challenge wasn’t “fix your marriage.”
The challenge was: surrender your life to Jesus.
I’ve been in ministry a long time. I was already married with four kids.
But in that moment, something became clear:
My relationship with Jesus shapes every other relationship in my life.
If I want to be a great husband, father, friend, or leader - it doesn’t start with trying harder.
It starts with learning from Jesus how to live like Jesus.
As Jesus uproots my pride, selfishness, and envy, I become more equipped to love and lead well in my relationships.
As I sit across from these couples and talk about communication, conflict, finances, and the future—those things matter. They really do.
But underneath all of it, there’s something deeper.
What I want to say - what I will say - is this:
Jesus.
You want to know the secret to a strong marriage?
The foundation for parenting?
The key to healthy relationships?
It’s not a technique. It’s not a strategy.
It’s surrender.
Surrender your life to Jesus. Put Him first.
Because when He changes you,
He changes everything connected to you.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” -Matthew 6:33
That’s not just a verse for couples getting married.
That’s an invitation for all of us.
Kevin Smith
Colerain Campus Pastor